There is kind of a running joke among teachers. I have friends at every level of teaching and all levels crack the same joke, "I don't know how you deal with those *insert elementary, middle, or high school* students." We all love our levels. We connect with those kids in a way that we don't necessarily do with kids at other levels.
I actually started our as an elementary education major, but after a single semester and a freshmen level speech class, I changed my mind and never looked back. I absolutely love working with teenagers. They are sassy and sarcastic and not all that different from their MS and ES counterparts (just in bigger bodies). They trade in their random pet cat stories for Instagram gossip and test complaints. They still love pizza for lunch. They still vie for our attention.
I feel like there is a misunderstanding or maybe just a misconception that because I run 120 students through my classroom a day, I don't have a significant connection to them. This could not be further from the truth. I love those kids, each and everyone of them. Sometimes I don't think people really understand that. Every kid in my room is important to me. I care about and think about every single one of them every single day. I became a teacher because I love talking with these kids every day. I love teaching them and getting to know them.
Last week Wednesday, as I sat in my empty classroom, stared at the empty desks, and listened to the silence, my eyes filled with tears, and I sat at my desk and let them fall. This is not what I signed up for. I signed up for a room full of kids period after period. I signed up for noise and sarcasm and smiles and chatter and tictok videos in homeroom and pictionary on my white board and repeating myself and laughter and daily greetings and KF standing until I finally tell him to sit down and coworkers in the hall and 6 minute chats and 15 minute lunches (where I have to choose between eating and chatting and I never actually finish my lunch) and passes and basically controlled wonderful chaos. I miss it SO damn much. I know that it is what's needed right now but that doesn't make it any easier. It just makes it feel so empty, so lonely.
The energy in my classroom each day is drawn from my students. They inspire me. They push me to do better and be better every day. They amaze me with their discussions. They drive me crazy from time to time. It just isn't something that happens when I sit here behind a screen. I sit in a room; I sit in darkness; I type and click and scroll and read and type and record and upload and attach, and it isn't at all the same. I think about my students, and I cry. I think about my empty classroom, and I cry. I read their assignments, and I cry. I want nothing more than to be there in my classroom with them. We all do. It's my job.
Without seeing them every day, I worry about them. I worry that my instructions aren't clear. I worry that they won't understand something and that they won't ask me for help. I worry about them at home. Do they have food to eat? Are they so busy taking care of their siblings that they won't have time to keep up with their own school work? Are they out there working to help their family get by? Are they staying home? Are they going out? Are they okay?
I plan to do everything I can to help them and get them through this no matter how long this lasts. I will try to have realistic expectations. I will try to help them in any and every way possible. I will read and respond to emails at all hours of the day. I will smile at their work. I will give feedback. Above all else, I will miss them. As we all do/will. I thought last year's data breech was challenging; it's got nothing on this. May better days (or weeks or months) be just around the corner!
